How can I convince myself that seeking Jesus is the best idea?
Consider: Why do I seek the Lord? Why don’t I seek the Lord?
Why do I seek the Lord?
Because He is God and He is good. God is what I am searching for whether I know it or not. I am looking for satisfaction that comes from being known. I am made to be known and to know; to be intimate. God is the perfect fit for my design because He made me to fit Him perfectly and vice versa. Seeking the Lord is the best idea because it is what I am made to do. I am made to be intimate with God.
Why don’t I read the Bible and pray?
Why don’t I seek to experience God; to know Him intimately and obey Him? Am I too tired? Am I too busy? Am I afraid of what I might discover? Am I confused about what I have discovered or might discover? Do I think God does not want to be discovered? Do I think God does not want to reveal Himself to me? Do I think He is not worth discovering? Do I think there are better ways to discovering Him? Do I already know enough about Him that I don’t need to know any more? Am I ashamed to seek God because of what He might do or what I might have to do? Am I ashamed by my past or present failures?
I asked myself, “Samuel, why don’t you want to read your bible and pray?” What I meant was, why is seeking to know my ‘best friend’, Jesus, such a hassle. If it were not a hassle then I’d do it all the time, right? I enjoy, and receive pleasure, getting to know my close earthly friendships. Why don’t I enjoy ‘the closest’ relationship I have.
I thought for a while. I stared into space for a few more moments. Then I grabbed a thought in the back of my mind. It was, “Samuel, you sin because you are bad. You cannot do what the Bible says. It’s too hard for you because you’re so bad. You don’t get anything out of seeking the Lord anyways. It’s not worth your time and energy.”
I am afraid that I can never do what the Bible says because I cannot overcome my current struggles so I give up. I don’t read my Bible and pray because I am not good enough. I am ashamed. I am also afraid that Jesus is not going to want to connect with me or want to connect with me because I might not feel anything. This also reveals that I am scared to open my heart to Jesus for what He might think about me and do to me. In short, I don’t seek the Lord because of a shame, fear, and control cycle. I am ashamed of who I am and what I do, this teaches my heart to be afraid of God, so to gain control of this relationship I hide my heart from Him.
Jesus, help me! I repent for believing the lie that I am bad because of the sin I commit. I am sorry for running from You by hiding behind this lie. I receive Your forgiveness Daddy! I break my agreement with this lie and renounce any associations with darkness I have made because of this lie. I receive and choose to believe the Truth that I am good because of Your work in me. I break my agreements with shame, fear, and control. You are not my friends. You must leave me now in Jesus name!
I wonder if this is what other Christian’s experience. If it is, then there is grace for us! We can change the way we think because Jesus is good, loving, accepting, and understanding!
Seeking Jesus is the best idea because it is what I am meant to do. Anything that would try to persuade us otherwise is, in my opinion, a deception. I come alive when I seek to know Jesus.